Conflicts are a part of family life. Many things can lead to conflict, such as illness, disability, addiction, job loss, school problems, parenting and marital issues.

It is normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Occasional conflict is part of family life. However, ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. Some people find it difficult to manage their feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent.

Communicating in a positive way can help reduce conflict so that family members can reach a peaceful resolution. This usually means that everyone agrees to a compromise or agrees to disagree. Sometimes, strong emotions or the power imbalances that can be present in relationships are difficult to resolve and can only be addressed in a counselling situation.

It is well recognised that some of the stages a family goes through can cause conflict. These may include:

  • Learning to live as a new couple
  • Birth of a baby
  • Birth of other children
  • A child going to school
  • A child becoming a young person
  • A young person becoming an adult.

Each of these stages can create new and different stresses and potential conflict.

Changes in the family situation can also take a toll on the family and contribute to conflict. This may include events such as:

  • Separation or divorce
  • Moving to a new house or country
  • Travelling long distances to work
  • Commuting interstate for work.
  • Change in financial circumstances.

Parenting practices around the world share three major goals: ensuring children’s health and safety, preparing children for life as productive adults and transmitting cultural values. A high-quality parent-child relationship is critical for healthy development.

Parent-child communication is at the heart of teaching future adults effective ways to communicate with others. Children learn attitudes, values, and behaviors, as well as gain knowledge, through communicating with others - the most important of whom are their parents. Communication between parent and child begins the day the child is born, or earlier, and continues as the child grows, matures and changes.

Parents are the models that children imitate during their childhood years. Parents who pay attention to their child's concerns and ideas teach their child that they are important in the family. Parents also teach the child how to listen to someone who is speaking. When parents talk respectfully to children, they are teaching children to be respectful when they speak. Shouting teaches children to shout, just as the words we use teach children that it is all right to use the words and language spoken in the home with others.

Talking and listening to children are the ways we most often communicate with our youngsters. Our facial expressions, gestures, and body language can also send messages. As we talk and listen with our children, some of the following suggestions could be useful to reflect upon:

  • Do allow children to express themselves in their own words.
  • Do listen carefully to what your child is saying.
  • Do let your child explain what happened before making your comments.
  • Do repeat what your child has said to clarify and show your understanding.
  • Do not jump to conclusions. Let your child express his/her thoughts.

The opinions, values and needs of each parent can also change and they may find they are no longer compatible.